Thursday, December 27, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: Nothing But Time

Surviving the first term of college is no small feat, considering I started this adventure without knowing how to use a Ti-85 calculator (it comes with a USB cord).  I had my mind made up to just face each day, one day at a time.  I would handle the homework each day and never get behind.  I would attend all of my classes no matter what the teacher said about attendance not being counted.  Slowly but surely I collected a few days of success that turned into a few weeks.

In spite of an "interesting" Writing teacher, (and that is putting it nicely), and a garden variety teacher in the other 3 classes, I feel very successful.  I was never trying for good grades.  I was trying to NOT fail.  I was trying to be steady and keep up.  I did not want the intimidation of high school Geometry to take over my thoughts.  

We just celebrated Christmas and the first term is in the books.  I feel very proud of my work and my effort.  I am also very satisfied with my attitude when hit with a teacher who obviously did not live a life even remotely similar to mine.  I just kept walking the walk, doing the work, and keeping up.  When final grades were posted, I was so surprised and amazed at how well the term had gone for me.

Writing A
Health A
Psychology A
Algebra B

In just a few short weeks I will be ramping up to attack the next batch of classes, one day at a time.  And nine weeks after that you will probably be hearing about my final grades.  What will have you changed in that amount of time?  Don't let the time go by and promise yourself over and over that you are going to try something new or change an old habit.  Go!  Do it now!  One step at a time is all it takes.  Get ready to start and we will see where we go.  We got nothing but time.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: College and Lollipops DO Go Together

I am now in my fifth week of college and I am settling in pretty well.  Running with A's in my classes, with the exception of algebra.  I have no idea what I will be getting in that class.

It's kinda scary.  We have had plenty of homework and classwork but no quizzes or tests and the mid-term is next week.  I feel like I am getting it during class but you know how tests go....fear grips me and it all goes straight out of my head!  Sometimes that happens just with the homework!  So mid-term next week...YIKES!

I missed my algebra class last Thursday because I was sick so today I stayed after and worked on the missing homework and today's homework.  The teacher was there and another student and we worked through it together.  That was very reassuring but still, the test looms in front of me.

But the good news is, no matter what actual letter grade I get, I am doing something extraordinary.  For many years people near and dear to me have suggested I go to college and I said, "never, ever!"Those are the magic words, aren't they?  Never say never.  In spite of my resistance, here I am and I can honestly say that I am enjoying it.  I love the feel of the pencil to paper and the joy of working together with those at my table.  We share our knowledge and experience like a team.  It is a thrill to be able to say that I understand it and I was sad to miss class on Thursday.

Yesterday I bought a couple of bags of Caramel Apple Lollipops and brought them to Writing class.  All of sudden I felt hesitant to bring them out, thinking the kids would think I was silly.  But oh no!  They were soooo happy and thanked me profusely.  

(You have to understand something about me.  To borrow a phrase from Zoey on Nurse Jackie: "In my world there are prizes.")

There were enough lollipops to bring them to Algebra today and at break we passed the bag around.  Again, it brought joy and smiles to everyone.....especially the teacher.  Because for a few brief minutes the class was actually quiet.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: Never Woulda Thought

Math has never been my strong suit.  Of all the classes it was so intimidating.  I never felt confident in math and if I scored well on homework or a test it felt like I was really fooling everyone.  If only they knew that I wasn't as smart as I seemed!

I was one of the kids that tested well and put in algebra in 8th grade.  I remember the few of us who were selected for this honor.  We really thought we were big dogs.  We were taking algebra.  It sounded so....HIGH SCHOOL!  But it wasn't long before I looked around the classroom and everyone seemed to be getting it but me and on top of that, they LIKED it!  I felt lost and left out.  I don't know how but I got enough points to get an okay grade and passed.  

Passing only brought new problems.  It meant that I was automatically placed in geometry as a freshman.  In my particular class, I was the only freshman amongst mostly juniors.  I was very intimidated with theorems, Pythagoreum and such, as well as high school in general, but I made an effort to keep up.  It proved to be unsuccessful and it wasn't long before I skipped class for the first time ever, avoiding the problem and making it much worse.

Looking back, I realize that in my younger years learning and education came very easy to me.  I wasn't used to having to put forth so much effort.  I was easily the best reader and was the spelling bee winner every week in second grade.  But as classes like geometry required more and more, and I failed to step up, I got further and further behind.  Finally, giving up, I managed to get a D, passing, and did not take any further math.  This affected my confidence in all of my other classes as well.  People thought I was smart and I kept pretending it was true, but I felt more and more alone as I kept up pretenses.

Today I am in college for the first time in my life and my placement test showed I should start in algebra/trig.  I was dubious that I would be successful so I chose to start in algebra.  In addition to that, I chose to have algebra class on a day with no other classes.  I wanted to be able to focus on math alone without any other distractions.

Now, three weeks in and I am relieved!  I have worked at staying up with the teacher, following the classwork closely and I don't stop until I understand.  This week I was ahead of the entire class and waiting on them and actually helped other students with the classwork!

This has been a big boost to my morale and even to my thoughts on future schooling.  I have realized that I CAN do it and the success is encouraging and fulfilling.  I am facing some old fears and overcoming them.  I simply cannot believe it.  Algebra.  I never would have thought.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: Writing 115 and a Little Something Extra

I am sure you are thinking that it's about time I had something good to report about my writing class.  I am here to oblige.

As I entered the class today, I was giddy with nerves.  I was turning in my very first collegiate writing paper and I was all wound up from anticipation.  Today, THE UNICORN paper was being handed over to Hippie-Boot-Political-Crass-Teacher Person.  I had no idea how my paper would be judged.

After all these days of non-combative confrontation, my only concern has been that it would somehow lead to a bias against my writing and thus a poor grade.  I have been trying so hard not to even appear argumentative but somehow I don't think I succeeded.

At any rate, she offered to give extra credit to those who would read their paper out loud to the class.  After a couple, two or three papers were read, I volunteered.  Hoping not to speed-read or run out of breath because of the nerves, I sat at the front of the class and confided my true story.

Imagine my surprise when at the end of my reading, not only did the class clap and say "that was awesome" but the teacher went out of her way to vocalize  and emphasize how really awesome she thought it was.  It seemed genuine which caught me off guard but I was appreciative all the same.  Hippie or not, she has had seven books published and so if even she can see some value in my writing, then I call that lagniappe, which is to say in french, " a little something extra".  I am still glowing from the review!

Writer's Note:  You can read the actual paper on the blog post entitled, The Unicorn Paper.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: The First Day and the Third Week

The first day of college I was all wide-eyed and cautious.  Without one bit of surety did I think I belonged on campus.  I had been told by more than a few folks that I should go to college, that I was smart enough.  But it just never appealed to me.

I am in my third week now and I am throwing on my messenger back almost like a pro and I don't get lost in the wrong hall that looks just like the other least not as often.  I have come to accept that parking takes a minimum of 30 minutes and that as the days go by there are fewer and fewer students in my classes.  It is also imperative that I dress accordingly with layers, because I am hot natured and at any moment may be burdened by being too warm.  

In my writing class, with the hip teacher who wants us to argue about politics and God, we actually had a girl come to the point of fists in the air ready to fight for her food stamps, welfare, unemployment and student aid.  The funny part was she was fighting someone on her own team, and a newly returned veteran from Afghanistan at that!

I find it amusing that after four writing classes, each with a different spin on the politics and God arguments suddenly became a discussion about art yesterday.  While the passion was still there for some, it was a much more palatable discussion and no fists were formed.  

Call me crazy but I am much more comfortable in this environment.

But this teacher is itching for a heated debate so I am sure we will get into it again.  It is the political season, after all.

More to come....

College Blog: Real Gurl Goes to College

Hey Friends,

I am now writing a separate blog for my journey through college for the first time in my life.  Please feel free to join me at and join the nonsense and mayhem of my adult attempt at a higher education!

Love to hear your thoughts!


Friday, October 5, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College-The Unicorn Paper

Many of you have been following on Facebook so you know about my disdain for the title of our first writing essay.  See original post below:

So I am not very impressed that my first writing assignment topic in college is unicorns. Why not make it My Little Pony? Sheesh. That's what you get when a teacher trying too hard to be hip lets a class choose the topic....

 Here is the finished product.  Let me know what you think!


            It was about 18 months ago that I was stumbling through life, broken, bruised and sore from a divorce that happened seven years ago. I was slowly moving forward but feeling like I had a perpetual sandbag on my shoulders that I could not shake.  Though I am not a drinker, but more of a thinker, I tried several self-help books, specifically the manuals from Alcoholics Anonymous, to no avail.  Desperately, I was trying to find steps to lift me out of the dark past into a new life, but the right steps eluded me. 

            By chance, (which is not the right word at all because it was more than chance), I called my church to ask to use a room for a ladies friendship group. One phone call… just that one phone call started a deluge of significant events.  It was here that I met Holly. 
            There are many legends and meanings that can be attached to unicorns, but one reminds me of Holly: “A symbol of strength, endurance and hope.” For the purpose of this writing, Holly is my unicorn because from the very start she was a beacon of these things. She wisely walked me through some desperate moments, always offering hope if I would have the strength to endure the process.  She was my God-given guide through The Genesis Process, a set of workbooks designed to bring one to a lasting recovery.   

            I say recovery though I have never faced down an addiction to drugs or alcohol but rather my own demon, an addiction to approval. It was Holly and her quiet strength, eyes that knew me, and her constant questions of accountability, that kept me pursuing my new beginning.  This new beginning was to address my constant and abiding need to please others, without regard to the personal outcome.  It would include learning who I am and how to give that back to others in need. 

            Being alone after my divorce, I was now in my forties and in my own place for the first time in my life. The noisy, busy, family life was gone.  To say I was lost and did not know who I was only gives a small glimpse of the pain I was experiencing.  
            The day I met Holly, I was only looking for a place to meet.  Little did I know, as she allowed me to share my story for nearly two hours, that I had met someone who would become such a friend, confidant, and mentor. After I had unloaded all the sins of the past, nearly exhausted from crying and at a loss as to how I arrived at this state, she looked at me with piercing brown eyes and said, “Would you mind if I mentored you?” 

            Suddenly and without warning, there was the help I had been seeking. For nearly six years I had battled, waging war with myself and searching fruitlessly for direction.  I constantly asked everyone around me if they knew what was wrong with me.  Suddenly someone was reaching out to me and seemed to know something I didn’t.  It was especially sweet to later realize that help came as I was looking to help others. 

            Her eyes continued to burn into mine as she pelted me with questions of my commitment.    “You will have to promise to attend a class every week,” she said. “And you have to promise to do the assigned homework,” she continued.

            This time I answered rather meekly with “O.K.” and she added “Be on time”.  I was in such need that had she told me to jump off a bridge I probably would have done it.  I trusted her from the very start. 

            And so began the most transforming six months of my life.  Holly held the reins perfectly as she kept me on course and held me accountable for my behaviors and actions.  The enduring strength and constant hope of a unicorn began to take root in me.  

            To describe my Forever Friend as an inspiration is an understatement and to call her a unicorn is even more so, but for the sake of Writing 115 I will.  The truth of the matter is she was a gift from God.  Through her love and guidance, I have not only begun to uncover the Real Gurl inside, but it has led me to my passion: counseling other hopeless women to find their Genesis, or new beginning.  I learned a wise truth:   that ruin is a gift for it is the road to transformation.  My life will never be the same.

Monday, September 24, 2012

What Makes You Happy?

That was the question for my Life Group last night:  What makes you happy? 

In my excitement to attend this group for the first time, I actually got out paper and made a list of the things that make me happy to take to the meeting.  It wasn't really necessary to get so crazy about making a list as we casually went around the room sharing our happy thoughts, but it was a good exercise nonetheless.  It brought joy to my heart as I realized all the ways I am blessed in this life.

What makes me happy?

Seeing my children's name on caller id
Someone using the word gracious to describe me
Snuggling with a baby
A blue, blue sky
Watching the waves of the ocean with no where to be
Company of true friends
Watching college football
Encouraging someone
The Holidays
Farmer's Market
Sunshine on my shoulders and the wind in my hair
Singing in the car and at church
Road trips~short or long
Squirrels and sqwirls
Wearing a hoodie
Books that beg reading
Sitting on my brother's back porch with the family
Completing a final four bracket
A crackling fire
A song that makes me say, "oh, I love this song" like it is my only favorite
DVRs and IPODs
A good saying
The comfort of routine
Chips and salsa and playing cards
Snooping in my mom's kitchen cupboards because I can
A father who would give anything and did
Sitting around at Starbucks with my family and talking the day away
Pink tulips
Puppy dogs
Friends who know my every fault and love me anyway 
Second chances

I could go on but when I got to Second Chances, it made me stop.  This is really the crux of the matter.  Second Chances mean hope.  They give life.  Second chances renew our spirit.  It not only renews the one at fault, but renews the one who gives it. 

Second chances were not created by some highly educated writer or creative team at some marketing company.

Second chances were created by God and He alone gets the credit.  From the dawn of time His plan allowed for us to be human and yet forgiven; at fault yet still loved; unworthy but renewed.

Alot of things make me happy.  But yeah, second chances are  my favorite.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College

Having only been in college a total of two weeks, I am already compelled to share anecdotes from my experiences. Here in these posts you will find some funny, and not so funny, happenings as I walk the campus with experienced eyes, rather than those of an 18 year old,  and witness with shock and awe how the academic world has changed since my last day in high school. Do not ask how long it has been unless you want to risk a good friendship. Suffice it to say that if my children so desired, I am old enough to be a grandmother! It is a world of Ti-84 calculators that come with usb cables but I don't know why; where there is no such thing as a quick answer or a quick anything; and don't be stupid and wear cute shoes because your feet will hurt. Feel free to join me on my latest road trip through this concrete jungle. I welcome your advice and input. Maybe. It just depends on the day.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Blogging again....Outside the Box

Hey there! 

It has been a long while since I blogged and I have put alot of miles under my feet.  I ended up jobless for the first six months of the year, my daughter got married and I made the decision to go to college!  That's alot of miles, right?

But the reason I am back at the keyboard is because of my friend Rhona's encouragement.  She often says, "you should write about that" and the voice in my head says something real supportive like, "sure, everyone just loves to read my writing."  But Rhona is a friend who sings my song to me when I have forgotten the words.  She reminds me of my dreams and hopes and of how capable I am to see them through.

So you are probably thinking you are going to hear a whole bunch of lovey dovey descriptions of a the most beautiful, sweet wedding in the whole wide world but you would be wrong.  I am saving that for another day.  I have a story to tell that has touched several as I shared it with a few close friends.  This all began Tuesday, September 4, 2012.

Let's title this one:  God Thinks Outside the Box

A  broken relationship

It was Tuesday, September 4th, the day after Labor Day and my apartment rent was due.  I knew that September and October rents were going to be difficult to pull together as I wait for my financial aid to kick in, which wasn't going to be until October 24th.  I had a tough couple of months looking at me, financially.

On this day, I was walking my dog before work and one of my lady friends drove by in her car and stopped to talk.  I had been thinking heavily about how I could come up with the last $50 I needed for my rent.  It was weighing on me because I could not be late any more and I just had no idea where I was going to get the last $50 I needed.

So when my friend pulled up, and offered a smile and consolation, I broke into tears.  She jumped out of the car and gave me a hug and prayed with me right then and there.  I hustled my dog back to the apartment to get ready to go to work.  I stopped to check the mail, which was completely piled up with the Coupon Cutter and other miscellaneous junk mail.  I slammed the post box door shut and entered the elevator.  As I glanced again at the pile of mail, I saw an address label sticking out and what looked to be a greeting card.  Hey!  Something interesting.

I didn't even wait to get inside the apartment as I slid the envelope open.  The mailing label let me know it was from my aunt and uncle, who live in Texas.  Now I have to give you a little bit of advance story here....I am friendly with my aunt and uncle but really haven't had a relationship since they live so far away.  I grew up on the east coast while they lived on the west coast and just never had a super close bond with them.  As a matter of fact, I grew up with some hard feelings as I watched my aunt and mother have sisterly disagreements and of course, I sided with my mother as most children would.  Now as a grownup, I have put those feelings away but still was not extremely close to this family.

So here I am desperate for $50, getting ready for work with no idea how I am going to come up with the balance of my rent.  I knew I was getting tips that day but it wouldn't be enough.  I thought about selling something but didn't know what.  I was very worried.

I looked at the envelope with curiosity.  It was a cute envelope with squirrels on it which of course has meaning to me.  I slid the card out of the envelope and it was the sweetest little picture and inside some handwritten words.  My aunt wrote about how much I had inspired her (with my posts on facebook) and about how often she thought about me.  That God loved me and she and my uncle did too.  That the card was actually from God through their hands.

And there was a gift check for way more than I needed.  I cried and laughed all at the same time. 

Can you see the total miracle of this?  Just a few days earlier I had been fretting over the finances and I prayed to God to make Himself known to me; that I needed a sign that I was on the right track with school and everything.  Boy, did He answer!

Now I probably could have figured out a way to come up with the $50 that I needed on my own.  But when God answers, it is more than we can even imagine!  He more than met the financial need but He also brought much needed words of encouragement and love.  And on top of that, He restored a relationship.  Completely.

I was immediately brought to shame as I realized that I did not even have my aunt's contact information to call and thank her and my uncle.  I hurriedly got the information and made the call.  My uncle wasn't home but my aunt and I had such a great conversation.  It was like old friends.  She would take a breath and I would jump in.  Then I would take a breath and it was her turn.  All we could talk about was how good God is and how He has met our needs!

My aunt shared that she prays for me every day!  And the previous Wednesday she felt compelled to help me somehow.  After talking it over with her husband, they both agreed on what to do.  The next morning her feet hit the floor to look for THAT card, the one with the squirrels, because she had it for over seven years and now knew who should get it.  She rushed to write the check and get it in the mail, praying to God that I would receive it by the first, knowing that if I had needs, it would be on the first.

She was disappointed to hear that I didn't get the card until the fourth of the month, until I told her, "but the fourth is when I needed it!" and we both laughed at how perfect it was.

Computer records

A few days later I made a trip to the college to find out how my financial aid would work.  I knew I wouldn't get any funds until October 24th but I needed a little bit to get my books for class before that.  As I sat down with the financial advisor, she reviewed my account and confirmed that I would indeed have some funds for books in time for class and that my other funds would be available on October 24th.  Since I was a new student, I wouldn't get my funds on October 3rd like everyone else.  There would be a one-time hold until later in the month. 

But she kept typing and looking and finally said, "wait a minute.  You took classes before, about 19 years ago!  The computer records show that you're not a new student!  You will get your funds on the 3rd just like everyone else."  My October rent is due October 4th.

As I walked back to my parked car, dumbfounded over the turn of events, I said to God, "I hadn't even asked how I was going to pay my October rent yet."  And I started giggling.  I hurried to the car to call my mom, cause that's what every girl does when she wants to share something.  She didn't answer so I aunt!  She answered immediately and when she heard it was me she put me on speaker phone so my uncle could hear too.  I explained that since they helped me last week that they would probably like this story too.  We talked for over 90 minutes.

So you know about the broken relationship and the computer records in 1994 but what about the 5-year old?

A 5-year old

I am a facilitator of several women's groups in my home that meet each week.  During one meeting I was sharing this story as I tried to encourage one of the ladies that God can watch out for her just the same!  This lady has struggled with an adult daughter in her home that continually causes disruption, hurt feelings, screaming, threats and drug use. The daughter is not supposed to live there but my friend cannot get her to move out.  There is a 5-year old grandson involved too and it is not the right environment for him to say the least.  It is so awful that my friend never wants to go home at night and she is getting more and more discouraged and depressed.  It has been going on for so long and my friend has tried every legal avenue to no avail.

As I shared my story, we talked about getting our lives squared up and our hearts in the right place with God so that He can work on her behalf.

I kid you not, the very next day God provided.  The 5-year old grandson went with his father to the Family Services department to see about their food stamp services.  Without any planning or coercion, the 5-year old courageously spoke out to the caseworker that his mother had hurt and threatened him.

BAM!  In that moment the entire scenario changed. 

Protection was immediately put into place for the child and custody and benefits awarded to his caring father.  My friend received support to get her home back.  Not only that, but a financial arrangement was agreed upon that will be a huge blessing to her.  All because a 5-year old bravely spoke out.

God Thinks Outside the Box

I wrote all of this to tell you that God is bigger than your problems.  And His answers are better than your solutions.  He wants more for us than we can even think or believe.  If only we would trust Him more.

Had I been able to scrape together my own $50 I would not have known the full restoration of a relationship nor had the pleasure of the uplifting words from my aunt and uncle or the blessing of check in excess of my need!  I also would not have had the beautiful experience to share with my friend to encourage and lift her up.  I was able to demonstrate in Real Time how God watches over us and knows our need.

I just this minute got a call from my friend.  Things are going smoothly and the right people are in place to bring peace to her homelife and protection and care for her grandson.  We are thanking God.

God thinks outside of the box.  When we think we have to dig up some extra cash for rent, make do without because of a technicality, or can't go home because it is so fractured and broken......He uses a broken relationship, computer records or a 5-year old and makes everything right.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Real Gurl Goes to College: SECOND TERM. Can I Really Do This?

The beginning of the second or winter term happened to coincide with the sudden need to move.  It was a stressful time to move and start another semester.  My very wonderful family, friends and life group came through and helped me get packed, moved and settled.  As I started the first week of the term under the clouds of pressure, I got scared.

The old voice loves to chime in at these times. 

"See?  First term was just a fluke.  You knew you couldn't do this.  Who did you think you were anyway?  Maybe you should just get out now."

I battled through the first week and then came my resolve:  I would drop Algebra II, the class that needs most of my attention, and replace it with something less homework driven.  I would pick up the math again in the spring.  That seemed right to me.  I immediately felt better.  Speech, Women's Health and Psychology 202 would be fine.  Just replace the math.

So I look through the courses that I am lacking, trying to find a good replacement for math.  I must hurry because I have already missed the first week.  I needed a history class and saw religion and Old Testament as an option.  I was thinking how hard can it be?  I grew up hearing about this stuff every week in Sunday School.  We will read about the beginning, Noah and the Ark, Moses and the Ten Commandments....I would really like that!

My first day of class found me waiting outside of Room 1610 with about 20 other students.  This teacher is precise and doesn't show up until just at 9 a.m.  As he approaches, pulling his rolly cart behind him, I smile.  He is a tall, lean, elder man.  He has white hair that I have noticed always seems to fly away, glasses, a bushy white mustache and best of all....about 15 pens/pencils in his shirt pocket!  I had a sudden dose of "what did I do" and then decided to make the best of it.  By the end of the first class, I really liked him and found myself very engrossed in the lesson.  He is very serious about the Old Testament.

That said, this is the class that I am struggling in the most.  I enjoy reading and talking about the issues and storylines.  I like hearing about the history of the battles and how the Old Testament, Hebrew Bible and Roman Catholic Bible compare.

It's the tests!  I just can't seem to conquer the material when it comes to answering the questions.  I am halfway through the term and I am struggling to have a Cminus!  So this Tuesday, at his invitation, I am meeting with him to get tips on how to study.  Honestly, I am surprised that I am having so much trouble in a class I am enjoying.  But this is where I need to override old shortcomings and get a different outcome. 

I always tell my women's groups:  If you don't like something, change it.  I need to take my own advice.

I CAN really do this.  I can, I Can, I CAN!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Resolution: A new beginning can happen any time

The word Resolution always brings thoughts of New Year's Eve and some extraordinary promises that we make ourselves.  It is such a formidable word and I suppose rightly so, since the intent of it is to make a life-change that we have previously found impossible to do.

I recently read that most people who make a New Year's Resolution have already given up on it by the eighth day!

As I wallow in this thought, and let my mind review my own resolution to lose weight, I come to a conclusion:  that most people make a resolution without any sort of plan on how to accomplish it, how to stay on task.  Do we need to take a class, purchase new tools, attend church, see a counselor?

We can't just say we have a resolution but must have an action plan to go with it.

If you and I are like the statistics, we have already given up on our resolution and have moved on to other things.  And if you are like me, that resolution still nags at you like a stone in your shoe!  And are we going to let a whole nother year slide by and end up making the same promises again next year?

Here is good news:  a new beginning can start any time.  It doesn't have to wait until New Year's.  A fresh start can begin with each new day, or even with your next breath.

My friend Mike told me once about being on a weightloss plan:  "Just think about one meal at a time."  He was so right.  If I look at how far I have to go it is daunting.  All I have to do is get through the next meal making right choices.  Just take one step at a time.  Don't look at the whole journey.

And if I fail, I can start again, because of His mercy.

There is a scripture in Lamentations that says His mercy and compassion fails not; they are new every morning

Resolutions are good.  It's even better to realize you can start any time.  Even with your very, next breath.

Dear God,  You have made a way when there seemed to be no way.  Your mercy allows for change and growth.  It is new every morning.  Thank you for helping me learn that perfection is the enemy.  I can always start over, try again.  Help me to plan to succeed but also to rise again when I fail.  ~Your Gurl