Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Imperfect and Clumsy-But Real
I have lately gotten braver at being me and the clumsy sure comes out! And with that comes people quick to point out that I don’t act, look, or believe like they do. These are people in my “friends” list that haven’t spoke to me about anything personal in months, maybe years.
In the past I would have shrunk away, changed my behavior to fit the circumstance, anything to appease the person who was critical of me. I just wanted peace, to belong, to be loved so much that I would give up who I was to get it. Yep, that’s an addiction. Addiction to anything is not good. It means that you will lie, cheat, steal, or kill to get that particular HIGH or feeling. It doesn't have to be drugs or alcohol or food. There are lots of things people "think" they get their fill from besides God and being their real selves through Him.
And I lived this way, changing my answers, looking for worthiness, my entire life and made many life-altering mistakes. Finally, I was seeking a way out and I willing to do anything to find it. I was blessed to get in a program that taught me a better way and a new way of thinking. I learned that God made me to be who I was so that I could fulfill a calling He had just for me! No more faking to be liked by someone else. It was time to find out who God wanted me to be so I could be my real self and receive the true love, God's love, that He had for me. He already knows we aren't perfect. He made Adam and Eve and knows about the garden and the apple. We are no surprise to Him. He has mercy and compassion for us.
So I truly appreciate words like those above that remind me to be imperfect is to be real; to make mistakes and be clumsy is a part of living. One important differentiation: hurting others intentionally is not okay. I know this is long but this is truly where my heart is. You may see me wobble and I may have to apologize. But my struggle to be myself and to know who that is and what is important to me is fairly new. But I love this freedom and the ability to draw boundaries that I never had before. If I am around folks that I feel are toppling me over back to my old ways, I must draw the line. We must know who are the folks that cheer us on and hang around those folks!
Thanks for reading and I wish you all a Real Gurl Life. Authentically Imperfect.