Thursday, May 28, 2015

Not My Finest Hour

Yesterday at work was not my best moment.  Some of my co-workers witnessed my bad behavior and especially one, who was the brunt of it.

Maybe you have experienced this too?

It's like everything inside me is screaming "STOP" and I just stick my fingers in my ears and charge ahead, exactly like a bull in a china closet, wrecking everything in sight.  First, hurting someone that is attempting to help me and second, hurting those around who I hope will be my friends.  I am heartbroken that I did not handle myself better. Why do these things happen?  Why do I let the frustration win out over personal relationships?

Have you ever felt this way?
It was one of "those" days.
As I wept over the mess I had made, the following words of a song came to me.  Maybe you will like the words too.
Somehow I Know 
by Tim Sheppard

I failed You once again.
I promised that I wouldn’t Lord.
How can I be your friend,
When all I seem to do is hurt
 the ones I love the most?

I wake up in the night,
Trying to find the words 
to make the wrongs all into right.
How can I ask forgiveness?
Still somehow You let me know.
You’ll never let me go.

You love me.
You love me.

Somehow I know.
Somehow You care.
Somehow I know.
Somehow You’ll always be there.
Somehow I know.
Somehow You love me.

Wow, I just cannot understand it, but He loves us even when....despite everything....It is so hard to comprehend.  I make the same mistakes over and over and yet, God is always there, hearing my cries for forgiveness and making a way to be new again.            

There is a verse in the Bible that says "His mercies are new every morning."  Sometimes I wonder if He knew there would be me, Real Gurl, needing new mercies every hour!  Real Gurl:  Real and authentic, not fake and full of misspellings, failures, and messes.  Yep! I am a mess. 

I have apologized to those I know I hurt.  Several have already been very gracious to respond with kindness, loving, forgiving.....allowing me to begin again.  I am grateful.

I will try again, starting right now.