Of One Thing You Can Be Sure....

Change. I hate it.

In this life, they say you can be sure of only death and taxes. Well, I beg to differ. After the physically exhausting and emotionally draining weekend I just spent moving and breaking all kinds of ties that bind, there is one thing that I know for sure...you can also count on CHANGE.

I think change is more sure than death and taxes, or at least it is more frequent. I think I might not mind change so much if I knew it was coming on April 15th of every year, like our tax returns. If I could just prepare, be aware, go shopping for chocolate, get ready for the big meltdown. But no...no such luck. Change hits us when we are least ready.

Through sickness and health, change seems wedded to me and determined to stick it out and make it work. I don't want any more change. I would like to settle in a comfy, leather lazy boy and while away the hours reading to grandgurl. Again, that brute named change just won't stay away.

So, through the aching muscles and the copious amounts of tears, the re-homing of my precious Sophie of 8 years, and the butchering of longstanding ties that bind, it appears that I have grabbed change by its lapel and hung on for dear life.

I have no idea where I will land. I have no idea where this is leading. I threw the road map out the window YEARS ago and as one country song says, I am working on tearing off the rearview mirror and giving it the heave-ho too.

I am sure there is yet another lesson in all of this. Right now I don't want to talk about lessons. Frankly, I am sick of lessons. I am tired of feeling judged by all the change in my life, the constant upheaval that no one else seems to experience. I see the eyes that roll and I can read the thought clouds over head as I begin to tell the latest happening in my life. I know it seems impossible for all these things to happen to one person. I feel the same way. Hey, I wish they didn't all happen to me, too. All I want these days is peace. I don't need any endowments, lottery winnings, or even to own land. I just want a small piece of comfort and a slice of stability. Maybe a lick of love. A hug from grandgurl.

Let me just end on that. Grandgurl. This past weekend I was blessed to move into grandgurl's home with her and her mom and dad. On the first day of move-in I needed to carry in five different baskets/boxes. With each trip I took across the threshold of the front door she was in full parade mode, yelling "yay, Gaga comed" and "Hurray, Gaga" and "Hi, Gaga" over and over to the tops of her lungs, and I felt like the biggest super star, Disney hero, or caped-crusader ever. She certainly has a way about her.

Yup. Change is one thing you can be sure of, and you may not see it coming. I was blind-sided for sure but I am happy, happy, happy to say that being Super Gaga is one great ending.

But I Just Want to Understand!

Sometimes we just want to know why. Sometimes it just isn't fair and we want to understand. I have been stuck in this place for far too long. I DO believe there is more to my story than yesterday's mess. I may never know all the whys. My heart may never again feel the love or hear the words I long to hear. But there is still ink in the pen and paper in the drawer. And I have faith that Someone very trustworthy is holding onto the precious memories for me and the answers that I cannot understand today on this earth. Here are some of the words from a song I was listening to just today. I hope it helps you to move on past the mess and into the message of your life. There is still ink in the pen!

 

I believe in the rest of the story.
I believe there's still ink in the pen.
I have wasted my very last day trying to change what happened way back when.

 

Until someday all that's crazy;
All that's unexplained;
Will fall into place.

And someday all that's hazy;
Through a clouded glass;
Will be clear at last.

 

Every puzzle's missing piece rests in the hands of Someone who holds you; for someday.

 

 

Someday by Nichole Nordeman

#RealGurlLife